Drama, Drama, Drama!

In a great chick flick, “How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days”, and Michelle, the overly-clingy, instantly-attached female of the group, has just driven another man away and found herself covered in a mound of tissues, and unable to function.  Her friends come to the rescue, off to help her at least show up for work, dressed decently, with hair combed and teeth brushed.  As they leave the scene the friend Jeannie sighs, “Drama, drama, drama.”

Isn’t it so true?  The single life can often be defined by that one word - drama.  What does the word actually mean?  Well, I google searched it.  The definition is “an exciting, emotional, or unexpected series of events or set of circumstances”  Here are some synonyms for the word. “Excitement, thrill, sensation, disturbance, commotion, turmoil, dramatics, theatrics.”

When I was in middle school and high school, class time was half spent trying to listen, and the other half passing notes from one side of the room to the other, from this guy to that girl, to her girlfriend, asking if she liked that guy, and then back and forth the notes would go.  “Do you like me? Check yes or no.  Do you want to go out with me?  Check yes or no.”  Pass it on…  Friends going through friends to find out if the other person likes them.  Going through friends to send love letters, fighting letters, make up letters, and break up letters to their girlfriend or boyfriend, or now ex, never dealing with each other in person unless it’s in outbursts, fights, screaming matches, or make-out sessions.

Now your friend is dating your ex an hour after you broke up, so now you hate your friend.  At this point you’re friendless, dateless, and crying in the bathroom stall.  You spread rumors about each other (and usually this is the girls), just to fuel your vengeance.  The rumors…Oh, the rumors!  I saw her with him at this restaurant, like they were on a date.  But I saw him with this other girl last week.  He really gets around.  He’s such a player.  She’s making her way around this group.  She must have some real deep emotional issues to be seeing all these men.  You spread lies, working to destroy what your ex and former friend now have with each other, you involve everyone else until you break them apart too.  In hopes of what, getting them back?  No, just to make them pay.

Drama, drama, drama…

Some things never do change.  So-and-so likes so-and-so, but so-and-so’s not interested in that person, they’re interested in THAT person over there, but THAT person…and the web continues to weave.  We make alliances, pacts with our friends, “I’ve got your back girl!  You deserve better than that guy!”  “I’ve got your back, man.  Bro code.  That chick is whack.”

Drama, drama, drama…

I saw pictures of this event everyone went to.  I wasn’t invited.  I saw her and this other guy in the picture together, and I was so pissed.  Who knows what they’re up to, but they looked pretty close.  I sent that picture to my friend and we agreed it looks suspicious.  I think I’m going to say something about it.  I thought we were friends and now this.  I’m not talking to either one of them now.

Drama, drama, drama…

Anyone jaded, disgusted or annoyed yet?  Okay, great.  I have a feeling a lot of you are, because I KNOW I am!

I thought I left all this in high school, but that’s not the case.  I think it might even be worse now as a single adult.  As many people as I know who have matured greatly in the years since high school, there are 100 times more whose bodies have grown and changed, but their mentality and actions about relationships haven’t.  It’s as one of my friends said recently, “like we’re teenagers in grown-up bodies.”

Forget about bringing sexy back.  We’ve brought drama back like it’s goin’ out of style!  

Surprisingly (or not so surprisingly), I find the people that complain most about the drama, and continue to talk about it and others, without offering any solution, or becoming PART of the solution, are usually creating MORE drama!  All of this drama, and for what?  Disturbance, commotion, turmoil.

I’ll bring a little Jesus moment in here, since some of you are Christians reading this.  This…THIS is not what we are meant for.  There is nothing about this that speaks of God.  Here’s a reminder about the greatest weapon we have in our arsenal…the tongue, how something so small and innocent can be so powerful and destructive.

“When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal.  Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.  Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.  The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.  All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.  With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.  Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?  My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.  Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.  But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.” James 3:3-18 (NIV)

The drama around us does not have to overtake us.  It is just another way to cause disruption and hurt feelings amongst each other.  The Christian should be keenly aware of the underlying cause and reason for dissension among ourselves.  We should also be aware of how to stop it.  It IS within our power!

I cannot help but think that drama is really just the outcome of gossip.  Gossip thrives on misunderstandings, jealousy and pride.  It’s so easy to be the one talking about someone else, but when the tables are turned and you’re the subject of the discussion, all it feels like is hurt and betrayal.

“It would have been funny if I had been an observer and not a participant, an idea that gave me a disconcerting insight into gossip. As I walked beside the silent Tamara, I realized that despite how entertaining certain stories were, at the bottom of every item of gossip there was someone getting hurt.”  Sherwood Smith, Court Duel

I live my life relatively drama free.  Most of the time I am completely oblivious to the drama percolating around me.  I wondered why, but have come to believe that no one comes to me with their drama because I simply don’t participate in it.  If someone tells me something, I don’t share it with others.  It’s not my place to do so.  If someone comes to me with gossip about someone else, I have actually (several times) not played into the conversation, either by changing the subject, or by putting the onus back on the one speaking to me.  The quickest way to end gossip, and ultimately the drama, is to not participate in it.  Unfortunately, that means taking the responsibility upon ourselves, and not passing the blame to others as the “creator of the drama”.

“Gossip is never fatal until it is denied. Gossip goes on about every human being alive and about all the dead that are alive enough to be remembered, and yet almost never does any harm until some defender makes a controversy. Gossip's a nasty thing, but it's sickly, and if people of good intentions will let it entirely alone, it will die, ninety-nine times out of a hundred.”  Booth Tarkington, The Magnificent Ambersons

So, what have we learned, class?

Sure, the life of a single person has a certain amount of drama attached, but does there really need to be?  Grow up, take ownership and responsibility for your own actions, and the next time you are faced with the choice to participate or increase the drama quotient, or to call it for what it is and stop it, STOP IT!

The choice is really yours!

If you or someone you know needs a “kick in the pants” on this issue, just remember we’re all still practicing.  Watch the judgements and be graceful (speaking specifically to my Christian folk).  Tend to your own backyard before stepping foot into your neighbors’!!